a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...
i should be studying
but i cant
i cant seem to be able to concentrate
the book is just set in front of me
i've been staring at it for an hour
and im still stuck at the first page
and it doesnt seem to me that i'll make any progress today
even when i watched tv today
i cant seem to be able to focus
i feel empty
my soul is not in the body
and its scared
as it explores the various ominous things it might happen
my mind is in a confused state
its in a whirlwind
it seems to be blank
but its not
it seems to be thinking about yesterday's incident
and the past
the unpleasant incidents that i've been through
that i've subconsciously trying very hard to forget
but i've failed
miserably
because its all coming back to me now
the fear
i could still feel it
enfolding me
the cries
i could still hear it clearly
when will it all come to an end?
when will she stop pinning her hopes on him?
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...
im so scared.
this whole thing sucks.
i didnt expect this year's christmas to be like this.
at all.
i hate it.
i thought it'd be fun this year.
it started out great.
really
but ended up bad.
worst ever.
things were spiralling out of control
isnt christmas supposed to be a festive season?
a day of joy and laughter?
how did things become like this?
tears were shed.
bt they were not tears of joy.
sreamings and shoutings could be heard.
bt they were not shouts of joy.
they were cries of frustrations and sadness.
thats the christmas i had this year.
far far far from the christmas i've dreamt about..
he's a womaniser.
a bloody bastard.
he's drunk.
now.
always.
used to be.
im sorry lord.
for saying this.
but i cant help it.
i hate him.
he has brought us too much misery.
he broke up this family.
all by himself.
he started it.
he gambles.
he womanises.
he drinks.
he's abusive.
used to be.
he's useless.
fucking bastard.
a total fucker.
i cant cry over it.
and i wont cry over it.
ever again.
sorry god.
but i would still rejoice.
because it's your birthday.
because i know
you would be here for me
protecting me
no matter what matters.
love you.
let peace,joy and health come to my family.
come to the world.
for the last time i can say this year
Merry Christmas!
i would never forgive him.
never.
i wish i never have him as my father.
im so scared.
this whole thing sucks.
i didnt expect this year's christmas to be like this.
at all.
i hate it.
i thought it'd be fun this year.
it started out great.
really
but ended up bad.
worst ever.
things were spiralling out of control
isnt christmas supposed to be a festive season?
a day of joy and laughter?
how did things become like this?
tears were shed.
bt they were not tears of joy.
sreamings and shoutings could be heard.
bt they were not shouts of joy.
they were cries of frustrations and sadness.
thats the christmas i had this year.
far far far from the christmas i've dreamt about..
he's a womaniser.
a bloody bastard.
he's drunk.
now.
always.
used to be.
im sorry lord.
for saying this.
but i cant help it.
i hate him.
he has brought us too much misery.
he broke up this family.
all by himself.
he started it.
he gambles.
he womanises.
he drinks.
he's abusive.
used to be.
he's useless.
fucking bastard.
a total fucker.
i cant cry over it.
and i wont cry over it.
ever again.
sorry god.
but i would still rejoice.
because it's your birthday.
because i know
you would be here for me
protecting me
no matter what matters.
love you.
let peace,joy and health come to my family.
come to the world.
for the last time i can say this year
Merry Christmas!
i would never forgive him.
never.
i wish i never have him as my father.
Monday, December 22, 2008
a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...
"A person 200 years ago
would have died
a person 100 years ago
might still be alive now
a person 40 years ago
is still alive
but a person who was with you just 1 min ago
might have been gone the next min when you look back
It doesnt matter
that when i turn around
you're not there
all it matters is that
im here
each time when you turn around
i'll be there"
"A person 200 years ago
would have died
a person 100 years ago
might still be alive now
a person 40 years ago
is still alive
but a person who was with you just 1 min ago
might have been gone the next min when you look back
It doesnt matter
that when i turn around
you're not there
all it matters is that
im here
each time when you turn around
i'll be there"
Sunday, December 21, 2008
a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...
im such a failure
how i wish i know what to do now
shit
this aint gonna be good
hate myself
now i can only just look at it
wishing for something to happen
or for it to remain status quo
it shldnt have been
hate myself
christmas is coming!!
santa and his fellow reindeers are coming!!!
snow will pile up outside the doorway
all lights in the town will light up
welcoming this festive season!!
Merry Christmas!!!
im such a failure
how i wish i know what to do now
shit
this aint gonna be good
hate myself
now i can only just look at it
wishing for something to happen
or for it to remain status quo
it shldnt have been
hate myself
christmas is coming!!
santa and his fellow reindeers are coming!!!
snow will pile up outside the doorway
all lights in the town will light up
welcoming this festive season!!
Merry Christmas!!!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
ChRisTmAs iS fInaLlY hErE...
Silver Bells
City sidewalks,busy sidewalks
Dressed in holiday style
In the air there's a feeling of Christmas
/children laughing,people passing
Meeting smile after smile
And on every street corner you hear
Silver bells,silver bells
It's Christmas time in the city
Ring a ling,hear them ring
Soon it will be Christmas day
Strings of street lights,even stop lights
Blink a bright red and green
As the shoppers run home with their treasures
Hear the snow crunch,see the kids bunch
This is santa's big scene
And above the bustle you hear...
Silver bells,silver bells
It's Christmas time in the city
Ring a ling,hear them ring
Soon it will be Christmas day
There would be snow flakes...presents filled the stockings and under the Christmas tree...Christmas carols playing in the house...wonderful aroma of the grilled turkey and shepherd's pie will fill the room...little kids running around..old folks gathering near the fireplace sharing stories...mothers busied themselves with the preparation of food...fathers laughing heartily,drinking Chivas...laughter filled the room...having the best time of their lives...a wonderful sight to behold...
Thank you God for all that you've done for me and my loved ones...
Silver BellsCity sidewalks,busy sidewalks
Dressed in holiday style
In the air there's a feeling of Christmas
/children laughing,people passing
Meeting smile after smile
And on every street corner you hear
Silver bells,silver bells
It's Christmas time in the city
Ring a ling,hear them ring
Soon it will be Christmas day
Strings of street lights,even stop lights
Blink a bright red and green
As the shoppers run home with their treasures
Hear the snow crunch,see the kids bunch
This is santa's big scene
And above the bustle you hear...
Silver bells,silver bells
It's Christmas time in the city
Ring a ling,hear them ring
Soon it will be Christmas day
There would be snow flakes...presents filled the stockings and under the Christmas tree...Christmas carols playing in the house...wonderful aroma of the grilled turkey and shepherd's pie will fill the room...little kids running around..old folks gathering near the fireplace sharing stories...mothers busied themselves with the preparation of food...fathers laughing heartily,drinking Chivas...laughter filled the room...having the best time of their lives...a wonderful sight to behold...
Thank you God for all that you've done for me and my loved ones...
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...
60 things most girls dont know
--Guys hate sluts even though they have sex with them!(oh yeah..you're not "popular" if you've slept with more than 6 guys..you're a HOE)
--"Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.
--Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
--Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes
--Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
--Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.
--Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.
--A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
--Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.
--Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.
--Guys get jealous easily.
--Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think
--Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
--Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.
--Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.
--Girls are guys' weaknesses.
--Guys are very open about themselves.
--It's good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't let him wait too long.
--Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.
--If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.
--A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
--Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.
--Guys will brag about anything.
--Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful.If a guy uses that, he likes you a whole hell of a lot.
--No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.
--Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.
--Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.
--Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.
--Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused.
--Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.
--Try to be as straightforward as possible.
--If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
--If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.
--When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
--When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."
--Guys don't really have final decisions.
--If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.
--If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.
--When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them.
--When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.
--Guys like femininity not feebleness.
--Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.
--A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
--Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.
--Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.
--Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
--Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.
--If you are going to reject a guy, just do it. Don't say they are like a brother or just good friends, it just hurts even more. Tell them that you aren't interested in a relationship and they will respect you.
--Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
--A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.
--No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.
--Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of us.
--We don't like girls who are too skinny.
--We love it when girls talk about there boobs.
--Always make sure you know what kind of stuff your getting into before making out with a guy ...like wheather it's a one time deal or not ....
--Believe it or not shy guys are the most easiest to talk to..it may not seem right but trust me they will start opening up like books after you just ask them questions about their lives and unoticable tell them about yours...
--When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually
--Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs..
--Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts...
--Guys will test the waters to see how far they can get with you. Even if he doesn't intend to it will happen. Know how far it is you want to let him go and he will respect that...after you let him know a couple times.
--When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.
60 things most girls dont know
--Guys hate sluts even though they have sex with them!(oh yeah..you're not "popular" if you've slept with more than 6 guys..you're a HOE)
--"Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.
--Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
--Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes
--Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
--Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.
--Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.
--A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
--Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.
--Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.
--Guys get jealous easily.
--Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think
--Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
--Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.
--Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.
--Girls are guys' weaknesses.
--Guys are very open about themselves.
--It's good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't let him wait too long.
--Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.
--If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.
--A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
--Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.
--Guys will brag about anything.
--Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful.If a guy uses that, he likes you a whole hell of a lot.
--No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.
--Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.
--Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.
--Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.
--Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused.
--Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.
--Try to be as straightforward as possible.
--If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
--If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.
--When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
--When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."
--Guys don't really have final decisions.
--If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.
--If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.
--When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them.
--When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.
--Guys like femininity not feebleness.
--Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.
--A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
--Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.
--Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.
--Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
--Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.
--If you are going to reject a guy, just do it. Don't say they are like a brother or just good friends, it just hurts even more. Tell them that you aren't interested in a relationship and they will respect you.
--Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
--A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.
--No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.
--Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of us.
--We don't like girls who are too skinny.
--We love it when girls talk about there boobs.
--Always make sure you know what kind of stuff your getting into before making out with a guy ...like wheather it's a one time deal or not ....
--Believe it or not shy guys are the most easiest to talk to..it may not seem right but trust me they will start opening up like books after you just ask them questions about their lives and unoticable tell them about yours...
--When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually
--Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs..
--Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts...
--Guys will test the waters to see how far they can get with you. Even if he doesn't intend to it will happen. Know how far it is you want to let him go and he will respect that...after you let him know a couple times.
--When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
wHen I lOoK bAcK thE nEXt mInuTe, WouLd yOU sTiLl bE tHeRe?
i didnt expect to fall in love with him...i didnt wan to...it just happened...and im not even sure if it is...im not one who thinks that love is all that..that it is above all,the greatest thing..coz in my 17 years of life i've witnessed enough to make me believe that love is not all that sweet and romantic as i've thought it was...i've grown to learn that love turns nasty and harsh when chemistry is lost between a couple...that love is a materialistic plaything...money can be used to buy or keep the love of someone...that's wad im taught on lessons of love since young...that trusting someone is tough..that love is changeable..that when someone loves you,it'd not be forever...and im scared to fall in love...yet i still wish to be in love..a fairytale kinda love...one that would have a different ending from...bogoshipda..
i didnt expect to fall in love with him...i didnt wan to...it just happened...and im not even sure if it is...im not one who thinks that love is all that..that it is above all,the greatest thing..coz in my 17 years of life i've witnessed enough to make me believe that love is not all that sweet and romantic as i've thought it was...i've grown to learn that love turns nasty and harsh when chemistry is lost between a couple...that love is a materialistic plaything...money can be used to buy or keep the love of someone...that's wad im taught on lessons of love since young...that trusting someone is tough..that love is changeable..that when someone loves you,it'd not be forever...and im scared to fall in love...yet i still wish to be in love..a fairytale kinda love...one that would have a different ending from...bogoshipda..
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